Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'”

Matthew 4: 1-4

A few days ago, I returned from a seven-day mini-vacation. My friend who lives in NYC came to visit me in Europe and we did a brief tour of some nearby cities. We started in Paris, spent a day in Brussels, then headed to Amsterdam. It was a great time and it was so good to see my friend of 10 years (woahhh, we’re getting old!). We ate a lot of chocolate, macarons, and yes, French fries. I even tried escargot, which isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. After doing the obligatory sightseeing stuff (Eiffel Tower, Louvre, Champs Elysees, etc.) we spent some much needed girl time, catching up on happenings in each other’s lives and gossiping about everybody else, naturally. She reminded me of home and it truly fed my soul.

Then, after a week, she was on a plane back to the states, and I was back in Brussels “adjusting.” Let me give you some context. I’ve officially entered week four of my stay and since I arrived, I’ve sort of hit the ground running. There’s been so much to do and learn at work, my mind has been very pre-occupied. Then, I had visitors – first my cousin, then my friend immediately after. The hustle and bustle spoiled me. I didn’t have time to feel anything. But now the dust has settled and I have ALL of the feelings. Yes, my main focus while in Belgium is to work, and deepen my client relationships and perspective of US-EU relations, blah blah blah. But I also have to live here. And it is very different from life back in America. For all of its flaws, the U.S. has many redeeming qualities: the biggest economy in the world, home to arguably the most diverse population of any other country, and, perhaps most importantly, we wholeheartedly believe in air conditioning. (This matters. I’ll come back to the A/C later.) Life in the United States is nothing if not comfortable. Everything we do, we do with an eye toward convenience. Europe hasn’t embraced this concept yet. Allow me to humor you:

• The EU really cares about being eco-friendly. But, Amber, isn’t this a good thing? Yes, of course. But, remember those comforts we discussed earlier? Preserving what’s left of the environment usually comes at the expense of modern day luxuries: no one, and I mean NO ONE has air conditioning (not the office, not stores like Zara and H&M or food markets) and it is miserable; dryers also aren’t a thing, so I’ve been hang drying my laundry (I mean, who doesn’t love the smell of mildew?); there are no straws in restaurants, and if they do have them, they’re those steel ones (the germaphobe in me will not allow me to use those); and in a last ditch effort to save the planet, restaurants charge for water – even tap water. I went to a restaurant last weekend and a glass of water was more expensive than a beer. Someone make it make sense.
• The EU also really really cares about work-life balance. It seems like no one is ever at work. Particularly in the month of August, most Europeans are away on “holidays.” For 2-3 weeks people head to the South of France or a Greek island. Restaurants close for weeks at a time, and I get a ton of out-of-office email replies at work. But go awf, Europe. America could learn a thing or two about embracing downtime. But again, those holidays ultimately conflict with daily life for people who are still here. I really have to plan my days to make sure I leave the office early enough to get to the market before it closes at 7 pm (!!). Want something to eat after a night out drinking? You tried it. And don’t even think about going out on Sundays. EVERYTHING is closed. Just stay home, sis.

These are just a few examples. I could go on. But the point is that this little American girl is feeling homesick. Life here is so minimalistic, it’s caused me to rethink my life in Maryland and reallyyyyyy appreciate not just the things I have, but also the society I’m a part of. Granted, consumer culture in America is excessive, even gross at times, and we are far from perfect (Hello, Donald Trump), but I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else.

Still, Brussels is my home for the next six weeks and I liken this experience to when Jesus wandered in the forest and fasted for 40 days and 40 nights. He denied his flesh and made sacrifices. He was tempted at every turn, his faith was tested, and his identity questioned. But Jesus had to go through this less-than-desirable phase in order to fulfill the prophecy on his life. (You thought saving mankind was going to be easy?!) Though Jesus was hung from a literal cross, in life, we all have our figurative crosses to bear. And in the midst of uncomfortable moments, that cross can seem overwhelming. Too heavy. But it is ours to walk with. We just have to remember that the journey we are on isn’t really about the destination as much as it’s about the path we take to get there.

Before I came to Europe, I, like Jesus, was having an identity crisis of sorts. Many of my friends have moved to different parts of the country and I was starting to question if I had outgrown where I lived, too. I went so far as having a conversation with my manager about transferring to an office in another city. I began to question whether I had exhausted everything the DMV has to offer and maybe it was time I moved on. But honestly, I love my life and the people in it. And as 1 John 4 says, “Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world.” In other words, we shouldn’t look for fulfillment in worldly things. The grass always seems greener on the other side but it rarely ever is. So don’t go searching for blessings in other people’s backyards (or in other states 🙂 ). They aren’t for you. Instead, look around and count the blessings with YOUR name on them. You might find something there that you’ve been overlooking and undervaluing.

As for me, I will never take for granted my air conditioning or dryer ever again!

And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, thou art highly favored, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women.”

Luke 1:28

If I’m being completely honest, I had a bit of anxiety while preparing to come to Belgium. Yes, it’s a great opportunity and I felt very fortunate to be going, but there was still a nagging sensation that caused me to rethink whether this was the right move. I’ve done a lot of traveling lately – Europe, Asia, within the United States – none of it for vacation, just business. And I’m tired. Tired of packing and unpacking, sleeping on stiff hotel sheets, and constantly learning a different metro system when I arrive in new cities. (I know, I know, the metro may seem like a small thing, but it can get crazy!) Only to get wherever I’m going and have to paint on a smile, head to client meetings, and attend fancy dinners with people I will probably never see again. There’s always too much wine, too many business cards, and there is never enough time to get a decent night’s rest. It can be exhausting! And yet, I vividly remember a time when I prayed to live this exact life that I’m currently living. Traveling the world with an expense account and meeting important people. Why should I complain?

But still, in the days leading up to my two-month secondment in Brussels, I couldn’t help but feel anxious. And somewhat afraid. I wondered if I would be able to maneuver around a country where most people speak French or Flemish (I speak neither). Or if I could adjust to the business culture. What’s it like being a black person in a country that only very recently liberated the African countries it brutally colonized for decades? How would I be treated? My mind was filled with questions.

Before I left Maryland, my parents threw me a wonderful going away party, during which, my grandmother prayed that God would grant me His mercy and His grace. “God, send me an angel,” I quietly prayed to myself. “I don’t know why you’ve chosen me or where this path will lead, but here I go.” And a week later I was off to Europe. It all seemed to happen very fast. Those last few days at home seem like so long ago, and my first week in Brussels has blown by just as quickly. I’ve met a lot of very kind and interesting people who have done their best to make me feel at home. And I’ve made a conscious effort to do the same.

One woman I met at work, let’s call her “Toni,” has gone out of her way to show me around and integrate me into her circle of friends. She’s taken me out, added me to their group chat, and checks on me regularly. I’m not entirely sure what I’ve done to deserve her! But I don’t take her hospitality for granted. The other day, I tagged along with Toni and went to another co-worker’s housewarming party. All in all, it was a great time. We ate lots of sweets, downed several bottles of wine (and gin, and rosé, and vodka..!!) and danced to Beyonce until about 4am. At one point during the party, Toni pulled me aside, out of earshot from the rest of the girls, and started ministering to me. It caught me off guard at first (I mean, a second ago we were teaching a no-rhythm-having-white-girl how to dutty wine) but anyone who knows me knows when The Lord speaks, I listen. So I did.

Now, mind you, I just met this woman four days prior. But she spoke as if she had known me her entire life. I won’t bore you with the details of everything she said, but, in essence, she told me she believes God sent me to Brussels to open doors for her and other black girls in the office. To clear a path and pull them up behind me. She told me not to be afraid because although this is a tall order, God has prepared me for this very moment, and she was counting on me to see it through. Wow! Her words pierced me like a knife. How crazy is it to think anyone is watching, let alone cares even a little bit about what *eye* am doing. Even more, it was like she had been reading my diary, answering questions I’d had, things I’d been contemplating with God. I replied and said, “I appreciate your encouragement but please don’t have such high expectations for me. I’ll do what I can, but I don’t want you to be disappointed in the end.” Then she looked at me and said:

“Amber, you are so talented and you are too humble. God wants to prepare a table for you in the presence of your enemies. But He can’t do that if you continue to hide and be modest about what He’s doing in your life. You need to own it.”

And just as quickly as our conversation began, it ended. And we were both back in the living room eating gummy worms and figuring out which song to play next.

I believe God puts people in our lives, allows certain situations to play out, and directs us to various places in order to speak to us through those scenarios. We sometimes get so bogged down in our day-to-day that we lose sight of the bigger picture. What’s the point of all this? Why me? This first week in Brussels has reaffirmed what I know to be true: God blesses us so that we might be a blessing to others; that we will be walking testimonies of His grace. This passage from Luke 1:28 shows us that when God calls you “blessed” He doesn’t care what anyone else has to say about it. Not even you. When I was feeling depressed and anxious about coming here, that was His plan all along. He calls us to do things that seem too big or difficult so that we remember to look to Him for help. He’s always here with us and, sometimes, He even sends us reminders (like my new friend Toni) to confirm the word of God and our purpose.

I’m feeling much more at peace now. I’m ready to take on whatever my new office or my new living situation throws my way. I’m blessed and highly favored. I’m on a mission. And it’s time I start acting like it.

Follow my thoughts around the world – I plan to leave footprints wherever I go so people will know I was here.