“Own It”

And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, thou art highly favored, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women.”

Luke 1:28

If I’m being completely honest, I had a bit of anxiety while preparing to come to Belgium. Yes, it’s a great opportunity and I felt very fortunate to be going, but there was still a nagging sensation that caused me to rethink whether this was the right move. I’ve done a lot of traveling lately – Europe, Asia, within the United States – none of it for vacation, just business. And I’m tired. Tired of packing and unpacking, sleeping on stiff hotel sheets, and constantly learning a different metro system when I arrive in new cities. (I know, I know, the metro may seem like a small thing, but it can get crazy!) Only to get wherever I’m going and have to paint on a smile, head to client meetings, and attend fancy dinners with people I will probably never see again. There’s always too much wine, too many business cards, and there is never enough time to get a decent night’s rest. It can be exhausting! And yet, I vividly remember a time when I prayed to live this exact life that I’m currently living. Traveling the world with an expense account and meeting important people. Why should I complain?

But still, in the days leading up to my two-month secondment in Brussels, I couldn’t help but feel anxious. And somewhat afraid. I wondered if I would be able to maneuver around a country where most people speak French or Flemish (I speak neither). Or if I could adjust to the business culture. What’s it like being a black person in a country that only very recently liberated the African countries it brutally colonized for decades? How would I be treated? My mind was filled with questions.

Before I left Maryland, my parents threw me a wonderful going away party, during which, my grandmother prayed that God would grant me His mercy and His grace. “God, send me an angel,” I quietly prayed to myself. “I don’t know why you’ve chosen me or where this path will lead, but here I go.” And a week later I was off to Europe. It all seemed to happen very fast. Those last few days at home seem like so long ago, and my first week in Brussels has blown by just as quickly. I’ve met a lot of very kind and interesting people who have done their best to make me feel at home. And I’ve made a conscious effort to do the same.

One woman I met at work, let’s call her “Toni,” has gone out of her way to show me around and integrate me into her circle of friends. She’s taken me out, added me to their group chat, and checks on me regularly. I’m not entirely sure what I’ve done to deserve her! But I don’t take her hospitality for granted. The other day, I tagged along with Toni and went to another co-worker’s housewarming party. All in all, it was a great time. We ate lots of sweets, downed several bottles of wine (and gin, and rosé, and vodka..!!) and danced to Beyonce until about 4am. At one point during the party, Toni pulled me aside, out of earshot from the rest of the girls, and started ministering to me. It caught me off guard at first (I mean, a second ago we were teaching a no-rhythm-having-white-girl how to dutty wine) but anyone who knows me knows when The Lord speaks, I listen. So I did.

Now, mind you, I just met this woman four days prior. But she spoke as if she had known me her entire life. I won’t bore you with the details of everything she said, but, in essence, she told me she believes God sent me to Brussels to open doors for her and other black girls in the office. To clear a path and pull them up behind me. She told me not to be afraid because although this is a tall order, God has prepared me for this very moment, and she was counting on me to see it through. Wow! Her words pierced me like a knife. How crazy is it to think anyone is watching, let alone cares even a little bit about what *eye* am doing. Even more, it was like she had been reading my diary, answering questions I’d had, things I’d been contemplating with God. I replied and said, “I appreciate your encouragement but please don’t have such high expectations for me. I’ll do what I can, but I don’t want you to be disappointed in the end.” Then she looked at me and said:

“Amber, you are so talented and you are too humble. God wants to prepare a table for you in the presence of your enemies. But He can’t do that if you continue to hide and be modest about what He’s doing in your life. You need to own it.”

And just as quickly as our conversation began, it ended. And we were both back in the living room eating gummy worms and figuring out which song to play next.

I believe God puts people in our lives, allows certain situations to play out, and directs us to various places in order to speak to us through those scenarios. We sometimes get so bogged down in our day-to-day that we lose sight of the bigger picture. What’s the point of all this? Why me? This first week in Brussels has reaffirmed what I know to be true: God blesses us so that we might be a blessing to others; that we will be walking testimonies of His grace. This passage from Luke 1:28 shows us that when God calls you “blessed” He doesn’t care what anyone else has to say about it. Not even you. When I was feeling depressed and anxious about coming here, that was His plan all along. He calls us to do things that seem too big or difficult so that we remember to look to Him for help. He’s always here with us and, sometimes, He even sends us reminders (like my new friend Toni) to confirm the word of God and our purpose.

I’m feeling much more at peace now. I’m ready to take on whatever my new office or my new living situation throws my way. I’m blessed and highly favored. I’m on a mission. And it’s time I start acting like it.